ASK THE DOCTOR - How and When Should we Educate Children about Sex?

How and when should we educate children about sex? How much do we tell children? If we tell them too much too early, will it not cause any harm to their psychology? Will it not encourage them indirectly to experiment and become sexually active? Kindly answer this important question in detail.
- N P

It is extremely important to help children feel comfortable about their sexuality from the very beginning. This will prepare them and make it easier for them to ask any question about sex without inhibitions throughout their lives. As they grow, parents and teachers can give them correct and useful information to help them make healthy and responsible decisions about their sexuality. Invariably parents are concerned that telling children too-muchtoo-soon will harm them in some manner, or will provoke and encourage them to become sexually active early in their life. It is necessary to understand that education and information do not encourage children to be sexually active prematurely. On the contrary, children make better decisions about sex when there are no restrictions on what they can ask and talk about at home and when they have all the necessary information they need.

Furthermore, this makes them better equipped at protecting themselves against sexual abuse, incest, molestation, sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancy. However, there is information that is more apt for children at particular ages. For instance, five-yearold child should know the correct names for his/her body parts, including sex organs, and that his/her genitalia is a ‘private’ part which should never be touched by anyone. Such training at an early age can help to prevent sexual abuse, which is widespread in the society today. Kindly note that it is not necessary to have a major discussion with your children each time they ask a question related to sex. It is necessary to listen to them carefully. They may just need the answer to one question right now; and that is perfectly all right. Be certain that you are answering the question specifically, rather than lecturing or talking in general terms. You can always clarify decently if you are not sure what your child is asking. Make sure that they know that they are most welcome to ask follow-up questions.

ASK THE DOCTOR - ‘When and How are Sperms Produced?’

I teach biology in school for classes seven and eight. I also teach a chapter on the reproductive system. Students ask a lot of questions about sperms — when and how are sperms produced? Where are they produced? How do they look? How long do they live? etc. Kindly enlighten me on this matter.
- Manisha

Sperms are produced in the ‘seminiferous tubules’ of the testes. Each sperm is made up of an oval head, a middle piece and a tail. An average sperm measures 50 microns ie 0.05 millimetre. The sperm takes about 74 days to be formed in seminiferous tubules. Sperms have a life of about 25 to 40 days. Sperm production starts in boys at around 12 years of age and goes on for the rest of their lives. Normally, at least 20,000 mature sperms are produced every minute. Each millilitre of semen contains around 20 to 120 million sperms. In each ejaculation a normal male releases around 60 to 360 million sperms.

ASK THE DOCTOR - It is normal for children to play ‘doctor’ with each other?

QUESTION:
I was disturbed when I noticed that my five and half year old nephew was playing “doctor” with my 4-year-old daughter and another friend. The ‘game’ involved the showing private parts to each other. What should I do if I catch them playing “doctor” again? Is it normal? I am afraid that my daughter might be a victim of sexual abuse if I do not take action now.
- R Chopra

ANSWER:
Children from three to six years of age are most likely to play “doctor.” Many parents overreact when they witness or hear of such behaviour. Heavy-handed scolding is NOT the way to deal with the situation. Nor should parents feel this is promiscuous behaviour or will lead to promiscuity. Often, the presence of a parent is enough to interrupt the play. You may wish to direct your child’s attention to another activity without making a lot of fuss. Later, sit down with your child for a talk.

Explain that although you understand her interest in her friend’s body, she is getting  to be a big girl and people are generally expected to keep their bodies covered in public. This way you have set limits without having made the child feel guilty. This is also an appropriate age to begin to talk about good and bad touch. Tell your child that her body is her own and that she has the right to privacy. No one should touch her if she doesn’t like it or want it. Tell her that if anyone ever touches her in a way that feels strange or odd, she should tell that person to stop it and then tell you about it. Explain that you want to know about anything that makes her feel odd or uncomfortable.