I accidentally saw my 14-year-old son masturbating one day. The whole scene filled me with disgust. Since then, whenever I am with my husband in bed, the sight of my son masturbating comes as a flashback and I get filled with disgust. I cannot get involved in a sex act with my husband due to this. My interest in sex has declined severely since then. My relation with my son is also affected greatly. He is not aware that I saw him that way. What should I do?
- Surinder
You need to understand two things. Firstly, there is absolutely nothing wrong if your son masturbates. Practically all boys at around this age masturbate. It is an absolutely harmless act. It helps them to organise their sexual urges and patiently wait for a heterosexual encounter while they are still growing towards becoming responsible and mature men. Science has proved that masturbation has no ill effects on one’s bodily or sexual strength. It is only when the child is made to feel either guilty or fearful about the act, that it weakens them psychologically and affects their self image.
Secondly, you seem to have a certain bias about sexual expression, which is filling you with ‘disgust’. There is nothing disgusting about self-pleasuring (through masturbation) in one’s privacy without involving anyone else. At this age, when your son’s secondary sexual characteristics are developing as an inevitable process of nature, he can find no better outlet than masturbation to vent his sexual urges. His behaviour is a manifestation of him growing independent, which is a signal to you that he is no more your ‘baby-boy’ dependant on you for all his needs. You, as a mother, need to ‘let go’. Respect his growing independence and individuality. Love him for being a normal, growing, independent man.
Your intimate relationship with your husband is a completely different aspect of your life. It has nothing to do with your being a mother. See this objectively, and then it will not interfere with your sexual relationship with your husband.
- Surinder
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| ASK THE DOCTOR - My Son’s Masturbation Disgusts Me! |
You need to understand two things. Firstly, there is absolutely nothing wrong if your son masturbates. Practically all boys at around this age masturbate. It is an absolutely harmless act. It helps them to organise their sexual urges and patiently wait for a heterosexual encounter while they are still growing towards becoming responsible and mature men. Science has proved that masturbation has no ill effects on one’s bodily or sexual strength. It is only when the child is made to feel either guilty or fearful about the act, that it weakens them psychologically and affects their self image.
Secondly, you seem to have a certain bias about sexual expression, which is filling you with ‘disgust’. There is nothing disgusting about self-pleasuring (through masturbation) in one’s privacy without involving anyone else. At this age, when your son’s secondary sexual characteristics are developing as an inevitable process of nature, he can find no better outlet than masturbation to vent his sexual urges. His behaviour is a manifestation of him growing independent, which is a signal to you that he is no more your ‘baby-boy’ dependant on you for all his needs. You, as a mother, need to ‘let go’. Respect his growing independence and individuality. Love him for being a normal, growing, independent man.
Your intimate relationship with your husband is a completely different aspect of your life. It has nothing to do with your being a mother. See this objectively, and then it will not interfere with your sexual relationship with your husband.
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